It's Back

And not in a good way.

The day to day, seriously I don't want to get out of bed and deal with hooligans, is back. I had a good run of days of "Yes. I can do this. This is possible. I don't hate my life." But two days of devilish kids and seriously, I'm toast. All the other teachers have told me that it only gets worse from here. And I believe them. I am ready to poke my eye out. Well, pray for the rapture at least. Heaven is better than this for sure.

And so I battle. With the feeling of failure. That I am failing these kids. That if only I believed in them a little more. Had a little more patience. Was more creative with discipline/rewards. If only these things were true I would not be feeling this way right now.

Now I pray. I moved my morning wake up time up by 30 minutes. I spend time on my face before the Lord praying for love for these kids. Specifically by name the really tough ones to love. That God would somehow manage to love these kids through me. Because goodness knows I cannot do it on my own.

"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never lat the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22