Thankful: November 28-30

Wow! I've actually managed to blog semi-regularly in the month of November. Maybe I can keep this up in the months to come.

November 28 - My Bible Study Group
I've already been thankful for BSF, and the discipline it is requiring of me is so good, but this one is a little different. I've only met with them twice, but this group of women is incredible. I am challenged and encouraged by them every week. I shared how work had been difficult and I had several come up and ask me what I did, and how they could pray for me. I was so honored. I love how diverse the group is and how honest!

November 29 - Spotify
Totally superficial, but I LOVE spotify. It allows me to listen to music at work without having to run the battery down on my phone. I can test albums to see if I want to actually own them. I can take advantage of my friends music taste that is much better than mine (Thanks Val for your public lists. :)) And best of all the app can be controlled by the music controls on the top row of my keyboard. When the phone rings at work, I can simply push the pause button and answer. I have enjoyed this app far more than I would have guessed.

November 30 - Community
Recently I have: Had a friend bring me lunch at the office because I was having a terrible day and hadn't gotten to eat yet. She made me a sandwich and brought it to me at work, loading her 4 kids in the car to do so. Taken crackers and ginger ale to a friend who had a stomach bug. Had multiple friends a) love on placement #2 then b) check on me and how I am doing when placement #2 left so quickly.

Today I have: Scheduled a lunch date for tomorrow with a friend I haven't gotten to sit and talk to in awhile. Set up a meeting with a friend to talk about decorating my office at work (After 4 months, I'm tired of staring at blank walls.) Gotten an email about a freezer cooking day that I have been invited to join (which will hopefully keep me from eating out quite so much).

Y'all I am so blessed by this community that is surrounding me. I could never have predicted this when I moved to Tyler in 2005. God has provided more than I could have ever asked or imagined. It is a fitting way to end this thankful list. This community makes me a better Joanna. A better friend. A better sister. A better daughter. A better follower of Jesus.

And for that I am so thankful.

Thankful: November 22-27

A special thankful week! The actual week of Thanksgiving! 

November 22 - My Mom

Y'all, today was a hard day. Missing #2 a ton. And work exploded. As in called my mom at lunch crying, exploded. Ugly cried. Really ugly cried. My mom listened to me on the phone, was patient, and helped me come to several realizations. I'm taking a month "off" from fostering. Took my house off the list until January while I get some things worked out and figured out. The first couple of weeks you have kiddos are hard with all of the appointments and other things that you have to take care of, and I don't seem to get kids for more than a week. I need to take the time to focus on getting my job under control and then be ready to welcome more kiddos into my home. My mom helped me come to that conclusion and was supportive. Like she always is. She is the first person I call about so many things. Calls about placements, life falling apart, etc.

November 23 - Transportation

Left after work was over to drive home for the Holiday. So thankful for a car that runs (most of the time) that is paid off and isn't a crazy huge gas guzzler. I may complain about the Rendezvous, but it gets me where I need to go.

November 24 - Family

I have an awesome family. Thanksgiving is THE family holiday on my Dad's side and this year was an on year. We were only missing 3 of the 11 cousins! Throw in spouses and kids and there were 31 people at my Uncle Roger and Aunt Tyra's house for Thanksgiving dinner. It was a blast. So fun to catch up and eat good food and just share. So many of them wanted to hear about my fostering journey and it was great to get to share with them!

November 25 - Restaurants

I love a good home cooked meal, but when life is busy, you can't beat the convenience of restaurants! We went to lunch at North Side Hamburgers and Mom and Dad picked up Coopers BBQ on their way home from a funeral. Good food was had by all. And there weren't any dishes to mess with either. :) This allowed for time to decorate the outside of parents house for Christmas since we knew the weather would be getting cold. I think it was a success:

November 26 - Home

It finally got COLD. I was so thankful to have a warm place to be and I did not venture outside of that warm place all day long. I love that it is FINALLY where we aren't supposed to have any days in the 70s for a whole week! (I'll believe it when it actually happens, but at least it is on the forecast at this point.)

November 27 - Christmas!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS! The music. The joy. The celebration. I spent 5 1/2 hours in the car listening to my favorite Christmas hits and spent the evening decorating the house for the season. As usual, our house looks like a Christmas store exploded, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Ready for some hot chocolate, Christmas cookies and fudge!

Three more days! 

Thankful - November 14 - 21

Here it goes. I'm writing this post with tears running down my cheeks as I have a sweet little girl sleeping on my shoulder. She is single handedly the thing I am most thankful for in the last week.

November 14 - Placement #2
I got the call at 2pm that they had a baby for me! Placement #2 is a sweet 4 1/2 week old little girl. She came at 5:00 and my world suddenly revolved around this precious bundle of joy in my house. Sleep became scarce, but the love was overwhelming.

November 15 - Friends!
The outpouring of love for #2 has been phenomenal. She was given/lent lots of clothes and we had another friend loan us a carseat. It was amazing to see the love our friends have for us showered upon #2!

November 16 - St Paul's Children's Foundation
#2 had not been to the doctor since she was born. We had to take her in pretty much immediately to be seen. St Paul's takes in Medicaid cases, which most doctors around town will not do. The doctor we saw was phenomenal and we found out that she weighed 11lbs!

November 17 - Insurance
This isn't related to #2, but I found out that my doctor that I love is on my new insurance carrier. I am beyond excited about this.

November 18 - Sleep
Little miss started sleeping some 5 hour stretches at night on Thursday night. This is revolutionary. I am also thankful for my agency's clothing stipend. We are sending off #2 in style. She has tons of clothes to get her started at her new home!

November 19 - Carrie
Today was a day of two birthday parties. One for a sweet little dude who turned one and one for my roommate Elizabeth. It was a big day with #2 getting lots of love from all around. Carrie is another of my dearest friends who I met in 2006 when she married another of my friends Chad. She has been walking through some hard times, but she went with me to run some errands and it was good to just get to sit and talk to her. She is such an encouragement.

November 20 - Elizabeth
Seriously. My roommate is amazing. She has spent the last week taking care of #2 all day while I work. She has shuttle her to appointments, listened to me complain, showed grace under pressure, and has just been amazing. She has boiled nipples to keep #2's thrush from getting worse. She has changed poopy diapers and cleaned up the house for her own party. Her birthday was yesterday and we spent it around the house hanging out with #2. I am so blessed to have her as a roommate.

November 21 - Jesus
Yes it may have taken me awhile to get here, but I am extra grateful for him today. I got the call at 10:30 this morning that #2 is going to live with an aunt. I had a feeling when court was this early, that it would happen. My heart is hurting some, but I can't say I'm surprised, The only thing that makes this bearable is knowing that Jesus loves her more than I do. He has plans for #2 and I have to accept that. So in my mind I keep singing "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed by your name."

So there you have it. I am beyond grateful for the last week with this baby girl. And today will be hard. My boss is amazing and has let me spend the afternoon at home getting in some last snuggles. And yes there will be tears, but it is so worth it. I know that she has been loved more in the last week than she had experienced in her whole life before coming to our house. I know we have taken care of her well. And she will be added to my list, along with #1, of kiddos I'm praying for.

And I will remember the past but look forward to what is to come.

Thankful - November 6-13

Here comes round two of the Thankful post. Every day, things come up that I think, "hey, this could be my one thing for today!"

November 6 - Mary Lynne
Oh for words to say how precious my friendship with Mary Lynne is! Today it was brought to the forefront of my mind because I spent the afternoon at her house. She saved Covert Affairs to watch and Ez and I went to the Joneses house to hang out and catch up on what shenanigans Annie and Auggie are getting into. Mary Lynne and Robbie welcomed me into their lives when I first moved to Tyler and I have counted them as friends ever since. Their kiddos were the first two to steal my heart in this town and I love them still. Watching them walk through their ongoing fostering journey is what ignited my passion for this ministry and now my participation! You can read about ML's fostering journey on her blog. Mary Lynne is my go to person for all things kids. She has been taking care of infants and toddlers for years and has such knowledge. I'm so thankful for her help every time I have a placement (or do respite as you will se later this week.)

November 7 - BSF/ Starla Lawrence
I go to Sunday School with a wonderful, godly, and wise group of people who happen to be my parent's age. I have learned so much since I started attending a couple of years ago. Starla's husband, Scott teaches the class and I have been blessed by his wisdom during that time. Starla announced on Sunday that BSF was doing an intro class, and I finally bit the bullet and said I would go. She agreed to drive me (I knew I would chicken out if I didn't set an appointment.) I went and I am SO excited. I love structure and BSF has that in spades! I've been needing to be more intentional about my Bible Study and BSF is going to provide that. I will meet my small group tomorrow.

November 8 - Rain!
It rained today! So excited because a) we desperately need the rain and b) I got to wear my rain jacket.

November 9 - Respite Care
I got to spend most of this week loving on some sweet little boys that are in foster care. The family had to take a trip to a wedding and it was not conducive for a 3 yr old and a 16 month old to tag along. So they came to our house for Wednesday to Sunday. I had watched these little dudes before and they are precious beyond measure!

November 10 - Caffeine
Up from 2-3 with a coughing 3 yr old and then a 5:30am wake up call from the baby, I was more than thankful for hot tea and Dr Pepper on Thursday.

November 11 - Pack-N-Plays and Veggie Tales
The only way I got a shower on the 11th was little dude having some play time while watching Veggie Tales. He was safe and I got to get ready for work.

November 12 - My Neighborhood
This goes for two days - I took a nice walk with the boys in the morning while Ez was at lab. Living on a no outlet street off another no outlet street really cuts down on the traffic. We walked and picked up fall leaves. We counted rocks. We learned the name of pine needles. We talked about the footprints (aka dark spots of asphalt fill) We roared and went over animal sounds. It was great fun!

November 13 - Chalk and Cars
Beautiful weather led to another walk that ended with an hour spent outside drawing on the driveway with chalk and playing with cars. A road or two might have been added to the party for the cars to have a place to go. We were all covered in chalk by the end but it was such fun. I definitely need to invest in some sidewalk chalk in the near future. Here's the aftermath of all the fun!

So there you go. Another week in! Cannot wait to see what God brings to the forefront over the next few weeks.

Thankful - November 1-5

Oh Thanksgiving. The long, forgotten holiday. A trend around Facebook is saying something you are grateful for every day. Now, I thought the idea was awesome, but then a few days went by and I forgot to post anything so I thought, "Hey, you have a blog. Why not write on it what you are thankful for!" Each day there will be something specific about THAT day that I am thankful for. So here we go - My thankful list for the first week of November:

1 - Alias

Now I'm not really thankful for Alias (Though Sidney Bristow is awesome), but more of what Alias represents in my life. Friends. I have an amazing group of friends here in Tyler. A large portion of us have gotten together on Monday, then Tuesday nights to watch through TV shows. Arrested Development (I came in after that one), Veronica Mars, The Mole, Alias. It has been so fun watching through these shows with my friends! Bonding over TV. And there is still a Veronica Mars shaped hole in my heart...

2 - My Job

This was a rough week at work for me. I'm still finding my footing in many ways and things exploded on several projects on Tuesday and Wednesday. I am thankful for my boss, who gives grace, and yet expects much. I am thankful that it is from 8-5 and then I leave. Nothing to take home. My time outside work is mine to do with as I will. I'm working to come up with a better plan for that time.

3 - My Caseworker

Had a house visit with my case worker on Thursday. It has been hard waiting all of these months for a placement. But my caseworker is awesome. She fights for me to get placements and is on my team. I want these kiddos to go where they are supposed to go, but it is nice to know that you have someone on your side. And I found out that she is having a baby. I'm SO excited for her!!

4 - My Kiddos

Last night I got to just sit and read with some of my friends kids. It had been far too long since I had done that. It was so good to see faces light up when I walked in the room. And to read "The Noisy Car" for the 50 millionth time. Then just getting to sit and catch up with my friends afterwards. It was a night that did my heart good.

5 - Seth/Ryan Time

Watching through the OC with Val and Ez has been so much fun. It is about so much more than The O.C. (And how dang hot Ryan Atwood is in Season 3) It provides an opportunity for us to get together. Hang Out. Be supportive. Just living life side by side. 

This is fun! I can't wait to see what God brings to the forefront each day of this month for me to be thankful for. 

Not Much to Say

It's funny how I really only want to blog when bad things happen. Or really good things. But recently life has been a lot of blah broken up by an amazing trip to Galveston and a fun Birthday celebration with my family.

I did email my case worker at Methodist. She basically said that I am at the top of the list, but CPS can see all of the families, so with a 2 day old baby they went with the stay at home mom. And I can't blame them. If I was a CPS worker, I would choose a stay at home mom over a working mom too. Especially for a newborn. Now that my expectations have been adjusted, I'm ok with this development.

So no calls. This has lead to prayerfully considering taking 2 children. Or older children. In the last 4 1/2 months I have had 1 four day placement. Which while I can't complain, it makes me wonder if I am in the right age range/ number of kids.  When it comes down to it, I want a little baby. But sometimes what you want isn't what you need to do. And if you read back in my posts - fostering is not supposed to be about me!

I have been "complaining" a lot recently about how much free time I have and how hard it is. That I don't use my free time well, and I was ready to have a placement to take care of that. So God decided to give me the opportunity to babysit this weekend. And I didn't want to say yes. I had a crazy weekend last weekend, and a busy week this week, and all I wanted was a Saturday in my pajamas. But God nudged me back, and said remember all of that talk of free time not used well, Here is your chance to be a blessing to a friend who needs it. And now I am excited about my day with two sweet little boys and their older foster brother tomorrow.

But Sunday I am going to crash hard. :)

Oh My Selfishness!

There's nothing quite like fostering to bring out everything that is sinful about you and shove it to the forefront. I am learning SO much about myself. And let me tell you I am one selfish gal. I have been waiting for three months (closing quickly in on 3 1/2 months) for a placement. I have had 5 calls. Said yes to 4 and gotten 1 4 day placement. Today I found out that my agency placed a child in my age range with a different family that got certified at least a month after I did. And the tears haven't stopped since.

It is so frustrating to have been waiting for so long, be told you are at the front of the list, and then nothing. I'm sure there are many reasons this baby went where he or she did, but right now my heart is being selfish and wishing that this baby was at MY house. Isn't it funny how easy it is to spout off beliefs about God having a plan, and trusting Him until something that seems so unfair is thrown in your face? That is where I am right now. I am seeing the selfishness and oh my stars it is ugly.

This fostering adventure isn't supposed to be about me. It's not supposed to be about what I want or need. It is about serving where I feel called. And right now, I guess I'm not needed. I feel a little lost and am planning on setting up a meeting with my case worker to try and get a grip on what my expectations should be. I had felt like several people in the office had communicated with me that I was at the "top of the list," but maybe that doesn't mean what I thought it did.

The Lord is working hard on me right now. Calling on me to trust him and if I'm totally honest, I am failing miserably. This period of waiting has made much doubt come to the forefront. Am I really supposed to be doing this? Am I crazy? Did I hear God wrong? Now I'm having to work to keep from adding the self doubt of "Why didn't they call me? Do they not think I'm good enough?" to the mix.

So I guess I just need you to pray for me. That I will hold on to what I know is true. That I will be willing to take a step back and realize that even if I never get a placement, this journey has taught me so much about myself. And so much about where I need to grow. That I will leave this fostering journey up to the One who called me to walk it in the first place.

"But I trust in your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing unto the Lord for he has been good to me." Ps 13:5-6

Remember

My brother wrote quite an eloquent post about this day here. He inspired me to think hard and remember that day 10 years ago.

10 years ago, I was in my first semester of college at HPU. I had 8am classes on most days and was sitting in Math for Elementary teachers taught by Mrs. Bird. I don't remember what we were learning about, but I know that someone came in and told her that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. We stopped and prayed. A girl asked permission to leave class, her mom was on a plane on her way to NYC that day. But once she left, with a hush of solemnity, class continued. Next I headed to Music for Children with Dr. Rosine. We learned a little more from people who were just getting to school. It wasn't one tower, it was both. And more and more trickled in. Finally at 10am, the school cancelled classes for the rest of the day.

I walked slowly back to my dorm room. There was a crowd of people gathered around the big TV in the Veda lobby. Watching the recap of the plane hitting the second tower. And the towers coming down. And my world stopped. I found my cell phone and started checking in with family. I wanted nothing more than to hear the voices of my dearest ones and know that they were ok. Talked to my sister. Talked to my brother. Couldn't get ahold of my parents for ANYTHING. They had taken an empty nest vacation up to Colorado and were out of cell phone range. I have never wanted to talk to my parents as much as I did that day.

Here I was, a month in to living on my own, and thrust into the biggest moment of history in my lifetime thus far. I was scared and nervous. And all I wanted was to hear my Dad say it was going to be ok. It was several days later before I heard their voices and even longer after that before I got the "Daddy Hug" my heart had been waiting for.

I remember having a prayer service at Mimms Auditorium and them sharing how students at the school had been directly effected by the crash. I remember a friend who's mom worked for American Airlines and how her world turned upside down and got insanely busy.

So I will remember and never forget. It's interesting how life brings up times of remembrance. On the morning after Osama BinLaden was killed, my 6th graders came in talking about it. I stopped that morning and shared with them my experience of September 11th. Much as I did here. They were silent as they listened to my story. Every. Single. Word. They wanted to hear about that day and why this man who died was important. (Doing the math, they were 2 or less in 2001). And I will always remember sitting on my stool in the front of my classroom and going back with them.  They listened more intently that day than they did any day before or after. Because they got it. One day, in their lives, a day like September 11 will happen. And it will define their generation much like September 11 has defined mine. Life before and after will be drastically different. And I just hope and pray that they turn to the One who knows all. Is before all and is in all.

"He is before all things and in HIM all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

Random Ramblings

~I have finished the first season of the O.C. and let me tell you, I am hooked. Thanks Val and Ez for introducing me to the hilarity that is Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood.

~Said no to a placement call yesterday. Broke my heart to do so, but my head knew the situation and age were not a good fit for my house/life. Still waiting...

~We have new neighbors next door. They have a dog that likes to chew on rocks and they got really excited to talk to me about fostering. I'm excited to get to know them more.

~I'm reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts: I'm not far in but three words have been rolling around in my brain from the beginning: Grace. Thanksgiving. Joy. I'm excited to keep going.

~My Sunday School class starts up again this week. SO ready for this. I love my class of people much wiser than I am. (Most of them are my parents age.) I learn so much. And am better about staying on my schedule when I have to be somewhere at 9:30. Just wish I had a placement to tell them about.

~It's finally not over 100 degrees outside. It's amazing how NICE it feels when the high is only 92.

~I mailed back my last Netflix disc today. Switched to streaming only. I feel like it is the end of an era...

~Forgot my cell phone at home this morning. Felt like I was missing my arm, or some other important appendage. Came home for lunch to get it. Was sure I would miss something important. I didn't. Humbling.

In two weeks I will be here:

 Doing this:

Counting the days!

So fast!

It's hard to believe that at this time last week I was getting a little boy ready for bed. We were taking a bath, putting on puppy dog pajamas and reading books. And this week I am pondering dinner and what movie to watch while (finally) hanging some things up on the walls in my room. Hard to believe that Little Man went to a different foster home after only 4 days at my house. There are so many things I want to remember.

1) He LOVED books. Especially Gallop. He would sit and look at it for long periods of time which was pretty much a miracle. We read at least 3 books before bed every night.

2) The freezer box left over from the move was the greatest thing to play with ever. He would take his flashlight (his second favorite toy) inside and shine it on the walls. He would pull the flaps in and wave "Bye" as he closed the doors. So CUTE!

3) He loved to snuggle. If he was tired, unsure, scared, you name it, he would come to you arms up and just lay his head on your shoulder. In the middle of the night when he was unsure, I would get him out of bed and rock him back and forth and pray for him with his sweet head snuggled on my shoulder.

4) He was smart. In his 4 days hear, he started pointing at me and calling me Jo, knew Zoeys name, could open and close all of the doors. (YIKES) and many more things. As he was getting comfortable, his personality was coming out as were new words daily.

5) You could tell when he was done eating because he would hold food in his mouth and refuse to chew or swallow. It usually take a finger swipe to get the food out. So frustrating at first, but it definitely got better over time.

I know there are many more things about placement #1 I am forgetting to write here. He profoundly affected my life in the 4 days he was here. I am so thankful I said yes to the placement, even though it was not what I had planned for. My mom got to come and meet him. She was going to be coming and her visit happened to coincide with the 4 days he was here. She was here when he left as well. I found out at 5:15 he was leaving and they came to get him at 6:30.

I have been pondering a verse to have painted to hang in the Baby room at the house. I have had many go through my mind and my heart and the one that sticks is this:

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121:7-8


This is my prayer for all the foster babies that come through my house. That the Lord will keep them from harm. That he will watch over their lives and their comings and goings from my house and where ever they go after here. That he will watch over them. I know that placement #2 will be just as precious and special as #1. Just totally different. I'm excited to see how that plays out and I will continue to pray these verses. Over the kiddo that just left and the many more that are to come. Because I have a God who cares and who watches over both their lives and mine now and forevermore.

I should be sleeping...

I have a story for you. This afternoon I went to Chick-Fil-A Thursday with some fabulous friends. I then headed to drop off some prescriptions at Walgreens and was foiled by the long lines at both the drive thru and inside. On my drive from Walgreens to work, I remembered that I had put my phone on silent that morning and had never turned the sound back on. I thought "Wouldn't it be funny if Methodist had called me with a baby and I hadn't heard it because it was on silent." I took out my phone and checked it, and they actually had called!

My hands shook a little bit as I called back. I wavered between excited and nervous. They answered and said that they had a one year old needing placement. My heart sank. The plan was a baby. Little. Use the bouncy seat and bottles. But after two months of waiting do I say no? I expressed my concern and they told me that they had other families they could call. I told them to check with them and then let me know if no one else would take him. I promptly called my mom. (What else is a 28 year old gal to do?!?)

I asked her to pray. That I would know what to say if they called me back. She said "If they call you back, I think you know what God's answer is." I knew she was right. They called back and I said yes.

At 6:30 tonight a sweet, little boy entered my house. His eyes were red with tears. One of the first things out of the case workers mouth was, "He cried a lot when m-o-m left." We found out that he might be 1 but in reality he is 21 months old. Almost two. And never what I would have asked for. We took a trip to Walmart to get food. I definitely didn't have whole milk at the house for him. Got some toddler friendly meal options. Stopped to meet some dear friends. Once we got home, we watched a Veggie Tales and then it was time for bed. The case worker had said to not expect much sleep and to not expect for him to go to bed easily. But this little man set out to prove her wrong! He laid down in his bed when I put him down and I haven't heard a peep from him since.

Little Man is so sweet. He can high five with the best of them. He loves goldfish. He has words that we will get to learn over the next weeks. I'm thankful to be a place for him to stay for however long is necessary.

I should be sleeping in case he wakes up and is scared, but my brain is running WAY to many miles per hour to sleep. So now that this is done and his story is preserved for all of internet-dom, maybe sleep will come. But I do know this. I am going to sit and reflect on the great things God has done. And pray for the sweet little boy sleeping down the hall. And for his family. That the Lord's will will be done in their lives. Because that is what is most important of all.

This is Not our Home

I have had a song playing on repeat in my iPod, my mind, and my heart for three weeks now. Laura Story’s Blessings was played at church on a Sunday when I desperately needed to hear it. The whole song is incredible, but there have been two sections that have been rolling through my thoughts over and over.

First:

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win


We know that pain reminds this heart


That this is not, this is not our home


It's not our home

Second:

What if my greatest disappointments


Or the aching of this life


Is the revealing of a greater thirst


This world can't satisfy?



And what if trials of this life


The rain, the storms, the hardest nights


Are Your mercies in disguise?

I have seen some of my friends go through some rough stuff over the few weeks. One friend had a miscarriage late in pregnancy. For the second time this year. Another set of friends had to say goodbye to a foster baby that they wanted nothing more than to add to their family. And just this morning, I found out that a friend has now lost his mother in law and father in law in the last week. My. Heart. Aches.

My comfort comes in the reminder that this is not our home. That there is something beyond this world filled with pain and hurt. That one day the pain will be gone. The hurt will be gone. And better than that, Jesus will be there. So I pray for my friends. And live with the hope that this is not the end. That this is not our home.

Patience and Trust

I have been learning a lot about these two things. This fostering adventure has only barely begun and God is already beginning to stretch me in these areas. I knew that this was where I would grow the most and here it is - I'm growing before I even get a placement!

As I sat reading my Bible this morning, I read this verse "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." (Matthew 18:5) I was struck by how this verse articulated what I felt about fostering. Welcoming a child into my home is my way of saying Jesus I welcome you. Not to part of me but all of me. To my life. Convenient or not. Lack of sleep or not. I welcome you.

As I was journaling about this, Glee's version of Justin Beiber's "Baby Baby" came blaring out of my phone and my heart skipped a beat - Methodist was calling! A 3 week old little boy who the case worker was 98% sure would need a safe haven. My heart soared. I confirmed we had day care for the week, notified the roommate and my boss and waited. 5 hours later the text came that the mom found a family member to place with. And so here I sit, another night without a baby.

Even as hard as it is to have my hopes go up and then come crashing down again, it's worth it. It's worth it to know that even though it is hard I am following the way I am supposed to go. Patience to know that when we are supposed to get a placement, it will happen. Trust to know that God's plan is so much greater than mine. His love for each and every one of these babies we have gotten called for is SO much greater than mine.

I can't wait for the day when I can post that Baby #1 is here. In my arms. But that time isn't now. So I wait. Patiently. With expectation. And slowly with His help, joy.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." Psalm 62:5

Life Update

I haven't blogged in a couple of months. Life has been crazy busy with closing out the school year, shutting down my classroom and getting started at a new job. I had a month break in between the two jobs and didn't do a whole lot. Then we found a rent house. My car broke and was in the shop for 10 days. Started a new job. Went on vacation. Elizabeth moved us while I was in Colorado. Came back and have been unpacking. The past three weeks have been a whirlwind! But the dust is settling and routine is coming back and that is good.

I love my new job. What do I love?

1. Not being stressed.
2. Feeling like I am good at this, even though I still have SO much to learn.
3. The people I work with. They are fun. And funny. And awesome.
4. Not leaving my house until 7:45 in the morning and getting there early if I leave then! (Considering I used to get to SCHOOL at 7:15, this is a drastic improvement. :))
5. Leaving work at work. Nothing to take home with this job. I leave at 5 and I'm done. (Did you see that? I LEAVE WORK AT 5PM! AND I'M DONE!)
6. I can eat when I want. And go to the bathroom when I have to and not worry about 12 year olds burning down my classroom. Or punching each other.

I miss things about school, like getting to buy school supplies. Or the excitement of a new group of kids, but for the most part this is a GREAT change.  

As far as fostering goes, it has been a long time of being certified and not having a placement. We are going on 2 months now. Our home study was updated today and completed since the move. I found out that they got a call about a newborn today but didn't think we could do it because we both work. So they passed on that placement. I corrected that assumption QUICKLY. We have had tons of friends volunteer babysitting services and we would figure it out. Not to mention Elizabeth gets off work at 2 and has random days off during the week. So, with that assumption corrected, we will see if a placement comes. I'm past ready.

I think those are the big things. The new house is great. Life is settling into a predictable pace until a baby gets added to the mix. Ready to see what the next few months brings. It should be interesting at the very least!

Big Day

Oh friends! What a big day today has been. Something has been brewing for a couple of weeks and I am just now able to share! On Mother's day, I went out to lunch with some friends. One of whom I used to work with at PC, but he moved to working at a design firm in town. We got to talking and my job from PC came up. I jokingly said, "If you have something open at your company, I might would be interested." He said there was an opening and it was basically doing what I did at PC. After I finished turning white as a sheet and throwing up in my mouth a little bit, I got some more information. My friend emailed me a job description and I applied for the job.

Long story short: I got a new job today! After two years of teaching, I am returning to the business world. I am an Account Executive/ Traffic Coordinator and I am SO excited. I start July 5th, so I will be getting a little bit of summer. :) God has dropped this opportunity into my lap and has seen it to completion. It is such a huge God thing that I can't even begin to describe.

On top of this, my license was approved today! I should get my copy in the mail at the end of this week. But this means we could get a baby any day now! Elizabeth is not working currently and so we said bring it on. She can watch the kiddo for the two days of school I have left. Then four weeks off. Then on to the next chapter.

Now I just have to find a rent house....



(Side note, as I told my mom I don't do things in small doses. Hey, get a baby for the first time, a new job, and move all within two months. Sounds like a plan, right? ;) )

Update!

This week has been a big week. I turned in all of the final paperwork on Monday and we are DONE! I thought that we had one more visit, but we do not. All that is left is for our agency to write our home study (which takes about 6 hours) and submit it. It should not be a problem to be licensed by the end of school! I. Am. So. Excited!

I only have 13 more school days with students. I am ready for this year to be done. They are ready for this year to be done. But we have to have some fun moments along the way. Today was one of those.

Part 1 of story:
We were working on sales tax and discounts in my PAP class when a question saying that a music player (aka iPod) was sold for $199. The kids flipped about how expensive that was. We discussed how much iPod touches and iPhones cost and they all realized it was not an unreasonable number. This led to a kid talking about his iPod shuffle and me mentioning that I have an original iPod shuffle named Peabody. They requested to meet Peabody.

Part 2 of Story
I have a student who every Friday sings me the "Friday" song. You know, the youtube cheese fest. He sings it every Friday, because I won't let him sing it any other day.

Part 3 of Story
Today I brought Peabody to school and had "Friday" sung by the glee cast preloaded. We had quite a lot of fun singing along. Then they office paged my room to send down a student and it was awkward. But totally worth it. :)

That's all my updates for now! Have a great weekend!

Where did March go?

So I feel like I blinked and my Birthday is almost here. And my birthday being close (March 30) means that March is pretty much over. Where did the time go?!?

I've had some people ask how the fostering process is coming - we have progressed by leaps and bounds. All that is left is CPR/First Aid training and the house inspections. The person who volunteered to our CPR training has been in Israel for the last two weeks, and so I'm sure that will get taken care of some time in the next month after she and her husband have recovered from/ processed a little of that trip. Even though our certification will be complete, we are not going to accept a placement until after school is over. This has been a heart wrenching decision for me, but I know that it is the wisest and best course of action. We will do respite care from whenever we finish training until June 7th. Then it will just be a matter of waiting for a placement. CRAZY!

Birthday celebrations are beginning tomorrow. The goal of my party is to get a massive group picture of all of my favorite people in Tyler. There are going to be around 30 people there. I. Am. So. Excited. I have to submit a picture of the fostering family for my paperwork. I'm really tempted to the huge group picture in the packet, because the reality is that this baby's Tyler family will be that big. Instead I will settle for finally having a good picture of me and the roommate.

At school we have hit full fledged TAKS review. The next four weeks are not my favorite of the year. They are necessary, but it is going to seem rather long.

At church we are reading through the Bible in a year. I had gotten behind when I was sick right before Spring Break. I finally caught up today. It involved reading the entirety of Joshua in two sittings. And it was awesome. To see the whole story play out quickly instead of spreading it over weeks was inspiring. And showed me so much of who God is.

And that's the update. I'm off to do clean, run errands, and finish my school stuff since tomorrow is the super exciting party. At the rate this year is going, it's will be over before I know it and there will be a new little someone in my house!

A Different Set of Glasses

Spring Break has begun. A week of rest and rejuvenation. I've been fighting a sinus infection for over a week now. I really should have gone to the doctor, but didn't put two and two together until my friend Amy said something at dinner last night. I'm going on Monday to get a general physical and if the doctor thinks I need it, some antibiotics.

My whole world is viewed so differently right now. Being sick for the past week made me think about how it would be to be sick and have a baby. A friend posted on his facebook that there are 13 Sundays until summer staffers come to training where I used to work. That means I could have a baby in less than 13 Sundays. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Trips to the store now are viewed with, what would this be like with a baby. Lazy Saturdays of sleeping in are enjoyed before they become a distant memory. My time being my own is thought about and rested in and enjoyed. These days are coming to a close.


This whole process has gone so much faster and so much smoother than I thought it would. And I feel inadequate. Oh so inadequate. But then I stop and think - I'm not doing this on my own. I have amazing friends and family surrounding me. A roommate who is willing to join the insanity. But most of all, I have a God who is more than adequate. He is excellent. And I have a feeling I am going to learn so much more about who HE is through this than anything else.

So I'll accept these new lenses. This new world view. And embrace it. They may not be rose colored, but it should be fun to see where it all ends up.

And it gets real...

Today I took a step in the fostering process:

Babies R Us is doing their exchange program. Turn in an old/expired car  seat and get 25% off something new. A friend had an expired car seat for us to use and so tonight we went and purchased a crib!

It might have been a little bit more than I would have paid elsewhere, but I LOVE IT. It is simple and chocolate brown and wonderful.




Otherwise, I am slowly plodding my way through the fostering packet. I have answered a lot of the questions but I think they are multiplying. For every one I finish, four more appear. :) We have another training in a few weeks. Spring Break is going to be big. I have made some Dr appointments. (I'm actually going to have a general physician! For the first time since college.) And the plan is to finish questions and work my way through some of the self-paced training.

Buying the crib makes it all seem more real. And I'm excited. Onwards and upwards. Here we go!

A Gentle Reminder

I haven't really intended on most of my posts since starting to blog again to be of such a serious note, but this is where I am right now. And it is the real me. So here we go.

The pile of paperwork in the last post is a couple of sheets smaller. I got a few done, but the big autobiography is daunting. And articulating answers to "Tell some pleasant and unpleasant memories from your childhood" is not exactly an easy thing to do.  My goal is to do a question or two a night. It's not going well so far...

But I had a gentle reminder of my desire to do this on Friday night.  One of my favorite families is currently fostering. They already had a sweet boy (in addition to their own two sons.).  They felt like they might would be ready to take another placement. They said yes to their agency and on Friday came to our weekly Friday Night Fun dinner with an new little one. A sweet, beautiful 2 month old baby girl.  She started to get fussy and they let me get her out of her car seat and cuddle her. My. Heart. Melted.

I'm getting tears in my eyes right now when I think about this little baby. God has used her to remind me of why I have to fill out the pile of paperwork. Of why I have to go through all of my stuff to get rid of things to make room for a baby in this apartment. I'm ready. Ready to have one in my house who needs love. And a parent who knows things like, don't put baby food in a 2 month old's bottle. Heck, don't give two month old babies baby food at all.  A little munchkin to snuggle and love on.

Life would be so much easier to just continue as is. But it's time to be done with easy. It's time to walk these steps. And so I am thankful. Thankful for the gentle reminder of why this is where I am supposed to walk. And though the road may not be easy, He is faithful. And thankful for a little girl, who with her new foster family will get the care and attention she needs. And who will probably never know just how much she affected me. She will just know that Miss Joanna loves her. A Lot.

A Big Day Indeed

Well friends, it turned out to be a wonderful big day.  We had some crazy weather that we thought would make us miss our big meeting, but the roads were clear and my sickness manageable. We had a group orientation which was wonderful. There were a lot of families there and they asked some great questions that I don't think I would have though of. So we are one step closer on our journey. We have a half day of training at the end of January.  I am beyond excited. I want to get everything done and a kid in my house NOW, but I know before the end of may would be unwise. So here we go:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Snow!

Some observations of a snow day:

1) One of the benefits of living on the second story of the apartment complex is how beautiful the snow looks from my window.

2) It is a lot more fun to listen to "Let it Snow" and "Winter Wonderland" when it's actually snowing. (I made an exception to my Thanksgiving-Christmas rule for today)

3) Snow is way more fun when you don't have to go anywhere and it isn't interfering with anything that needs to get done. (Yet - we'll see how tomorrow goes.)

4) It's really fun to watch your neighbors from India see snow for the first time.  I walked over to my window to watch the snow and had the fun of watching them take pictures with the snow. (In shorts and sandals none the less).  Fun times.

5) (There are more verses if you wish to google them. :))

1. Lord Jesus, I long to be perfectly whole;
   I want Thee forever to live in my soul;
   Break down every idol, cast out every foe—
   Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
   • Refrain:
     Whiter than snow, yes, whiter than snow,
     Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
2. Lord Jesus, let nothing unholy remain,
   Apply Thine own blood and extract every stain;
   To get this blest cleansing, I all things forego—
   Now wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
3. Amen and Amen

Big Day

I can't think about big days without thinking of my dear friend, Suzanne. Suzanne is currently living out her dream overseas with the journeyman program. She walked through a crazy time while she was living with me (and a rotating crew of other roommates) for two years. I got to see her pursue her dream and she saw me pursue mine. I love you Suzanne!

On to the big day mentioned in the title... Monday is a big day. Elizabeth and I are going to our orientation meeting to get the wheels really rolling on our foster parenting plan. I am overwhelmed and overjoyed at the same time.  I am ready to move forward in the process, but I feel like I hit a wall on Friday. A wall of sickness that is. I have junk in my lungs and my head is full of crud. My voice disappeared by the time 4th block was over.

I'm just praying that two days of rest, movies, the first season of Glee, and TONS of water will keep from having to reschedule.  I'm ready to get the ball rolling. To see action towards the goal that God has placed so clearly on my heart.  But if not, He is in control. He is faithful and trust Him is what I will do.

"But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing unto the Lord for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6

As a side note - Monday was our first day back at school. A kid walked up to my last period (and hardest class) and said "It's my favorite class and I've had to wait ALL day!" Small moments of joy, my friends. Small moments. :)