There are obvious hard things with fostering - the leaving. The taking care of kids that aren't yours. The rules. But there are a few things that I feel like took me a little by surprise, so I thought I would post them here, for anyone who might be interested in fostering.
The first one is the waiting. You say yes to a placement call. Then you get to wait anywhere from hours to days for them to actually arrive. The anticipation is overwhelming. The hardest wait is after you say yes to the next call from the worker saying when they are coming or when to come get them.
The other waiting no one talks about is on court days. I haven't needed to go to court yet. Once God whispers to my heart - this is the one you are supposed to keep- I will go to court. But that hasn't happened yet. I have offered repeatedly on other cases to go to court if they think it would be helpful or needed, and the answer has always been no. But the day of court as you wait for the worker to call you, you wish you would have gone, because YOU JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. Is my life turning upside down? Is everything staying the same? Did the parents show? Not show?
So the waiting. It's hard and one of my least favorite things about fostering. Next up (when I get around to posting it) - the not knowing.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
A Very Special Gift
#5 is back under my roof! She has been moved to some good friends of mine that will hopefully get to adopt her, but they had to go out of town and taking the baby that doesn't consistently sleep all night - and screams when she isn't sleeping - was not in the cards. They asked and I jumped at the chance. She and #6 are exactly 7 days apart. They are essentially twins.
My heart is full. Anytime I get any kind of updates on my previous kiddos it blesses me. I get to keep up with #4 through her mom's blog, instagram, and texts. She always wants to know what is going on with me and I know she prays for any kiddo I have. That relationship has been a huge blessing in my life.
I took one trip to the mall with both kids and while it was a complete success, the plan for the rest of our time is to stay at home. I have officially put on my yoga pants and have no intention of wearing anything but some form of yoga pants until Tuesday. We might take a walk if the weather is nice, but other than that, we are going to just spend quality time snuggling and eating and playing. (and hopefully sleeping, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.)
Ready to eat up these next few days. And make sure #5 hears over and over - I love you sweet girl. You may not live here anymore, but you will always be one of my babies!
My heart is full. Anytime I get any kind of updates on my previous kiddos it blesses me. I get to keep up with #4 through her mom's blog, instagram, and texts. She always wants to know what is going on with me and I know she prays for any kiddo I have. That relationship has been a huge blessing in my life.
I took one trip to the mall with both kids and while it was a complete success, the plan for the rest of our time is to stay at home. I have officially put on my yoga pants and have no intention of wearing anything but some form of yoga pants until Tuesday. We might take a walk if the weather is nice, but other than that, we are going to just spend quality time snuggling and eating and playing. (and hopefully sleeping, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.)
Ready to eat up these next few days. And make sure #5 hears over and over - I love you sweet girl. You may not live here anymore, but you will always be one of my babies!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
On the Hard in Fostering
Today is Thursday - this means a visit at the next town over for #6. Normally. Two weeks ago his parents cancelled. Last week we had to cancel so we could leave for my sisters wedding. So this week I planned my entire Thursday around the drive, visit, and drive home. I still texted his caseworker to make sure we had a visit, and lo and behold, the parents cancelled. Three weeks without a visit. If I was in adoption mode with this little dude, my heart would be rejoicing. Instead it broke a little bit.
I loved not having to drive and lose half of our day. Him getting off of his schedule because of the car ride and not trusting his parents to feed him a bottle. (long story, and more than I can share here.) But the crux of the matter is that his parents aren't working their plan which means that there is a very real possibility that at the next court date at the beginning of April the judge will decide to move Little Man to an adoptive home. And my heart is already breaking.
#6 has been a total breath of fresh air. He is content. Eats well. Smiles. Laughs. SLEEPS! He has stolen my heart completely.
There are some other transitions that are about to happen in my life that I should be free to share in another couple of weeks, and the thought of losing him on top of the other change is almost more than I can think about. So I have to remind myself - God gives us the grace to deal with what we have to when we have to. #6 is not leaving right now. At a minimum I have another month with him. And it could be more depending on what the courts decide.
This is when the not knowing is so hard. And the no control is hard. And the fact I don't like change is hard. I'll start asking the case worker and CASA worker a little later in the month what they are going to recommend, but I'm already preparing my heart for what I am afraid they will say. I long for the day when God whispers to my heart - This is the one. The one you are supposed to keep forever. But until then, all I can do is be obedient and love on these kiddos til they go somewhere else.
Today I'm taking a deep breath. Snuggling Little Man a little bit closer. Treasuring each day and each moment. Which really, is what I should be doing all the time with all my kids. But sometimes things happen that make the fact he may not be here much longer that much more real. Here goes a month of treasuring the moments. Storing them up in my heart so they will not be forgotten. And loving this little man with everything in me til the day he leaves. Because above all the hurt and all the pain it will cause me in the end, that is what he needs. And that is what matters most.
I loved not having to drive and lose half of our day. Him getting off of his schedule because of the car ride and not trusting his parents to feed him a bottle. (long story, and more than I can share here.) But the crux of the matter is that his parents aren't working their plan which means that there is a very real possibility that at the next court date at the beginning of April the judge will decide to move Little Man to an adoptive home. And my heart is already breaking.
#6 has been a total breath of fresh air. He is content. Eats well. Smiles. Laughs. SLEEPS! He has stolen my heart completely.
There are some other transitions that are about to happen in my life that I should be free to share in another couple of weeks, and the thought of losing him on top of the other change is almost more than I can think about. So I have to remind myself - God gives us the grace to deal with what we have to when we have to. #6 is not leaving right now. At a minimum I have another month with him. And it could be more depending on what the courts decide.
This is when the not knowing is so hard. And the no control is hard. And the fact I don't like change is hard. I'll start asking the case worker and CASA worker a little later in the month what they are going to recommend, but I'm already preparing my heart for what I am afraid they will say. I long for the day when God whispers to my heart - This is the one. The one you are supposed to keep forever. But until then, all I can do is be obedient and love on these kiddos til they go somewhere else.
Today I'm taking a deep breath. Snuggling Little Man a little bit closer. Treasuring each day and each moment. Which really, is what I should be doing all the time with all my kids. But sometimes things happen that make the fact he may not be here much longer that much more real. Here goes a month of treasuring the moments. Storing them up in my heart so they will not be forgotten. And loving this little man with everything in me til the day he leaves. Because above all the hurt and all the pain it will cause me in the end, that is what he needs. And that is what matters most.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A look back at 2012
The end of a year/ the beginning of a new one tends to bring a time of reflection. It has been a rather busy year around here in some respects and not in others. I have learned a ton and realized just how much I still have to learn.
- Started the year with placement #3 and am ending with placement #6. Three babies and a toddler in the course of a year. No wonder I am so tired.
- Spent most of the year unemployed and taking care of placements 4-6. My time with placement 4 will always be something I truly treasure. I still miss that little girl and ache for her at times. Thankful that I can call her momma my friend and get updates on her regularly! But oh how I just want to wrap her in a big, huge hug.
- Spent all of the spring hearing from the Lord about trials and suffering in BSF. Our teaching leader told us that there would be twins in this Christian life - Suffering and Comfort. Saw some of that come to fruition in my life. Realized how much I have grown in this area as I never felt the need to ask why. Just embraced it as something the Lord needed to see me through and walked. That doesn't mean it was easier, but just encouraging to know that I am taking baby steps forward.
- Started studying Genesis this fall. After a year of studying it in college, two years in Sunday School at GCC and now in BSF, I will be ready for a Genesis break after this. But I have learned a lot about where we as a people have come from and how intentional the Lord has been throughout history.
- Colorado Trip - Family + #4. Traveling with a 4 month old is not for the faint of heart. Traveling with a 4 month old with an ear infection - even worse.
- Both of my siblings got engaged! 2013 will be the year of the wedding in my family. That we are all over 30 and not married made this years holidays an adventure. As in Christmas hasn't really happened yet. That will be this weekend.
- Spent my first Thanksgiving away from family due to #5 having a hospital stay. Tiny baby in the hospital is no fun. But she came home on Thanksgiving day and we had a very low key day full of snuggles.
I know there are more things, but these are the ones that come to mind. I spent the majority of this year alone. And for an introvert, that isn't a huge deal, but I realized recently how much of a recluse I have become. Hopefully in 2013 some of that will change as I work to redevelop relationships that I have let slide during an emotionally exhausting 2012. I'm going to spend some time this week thinking about what my focus for 2013 will be. A word. A theme. Some goals. Once those thoughts are more settled in my head and heart I hope to post them here.
Four sweet kiddos that will be in my heart forever. I wish I could show you their faces - but just know, they were/are all beautiful and precious!
Four sweet kiddos that will be in my heart forever. I wish I could show you their faces - but just know, they were/are all beautiful and precious!
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| Placement #3 |
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| Placement #4 |
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| Placement #5 |
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| Placement #6 |
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| Dad, Jen and I in Colorado |
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