#5 is back under my roof! She has been moved to some good friends of mine that will hopefully get to adopt her, but they had to go out of town and taking the baby that doesn't consistently sleep all night - and screams when she isn't sleeping - was not in the cards. They asked and I jumped at the chance. She and #6 are exactly 7 days apart. They are essentially twins.
My heart is full. Anytime I get any kind of updates on my previous kiddos it blesses me. I get to keep up with #4 through her mom's blog, instagram, and texts. She always wants to know what is going on with me and I know she prays for any kiddo I have. That relationship has been a huge blessing in my life.
I took one trip to the mall with both kids and while it was a complete success, the plan for the rest of our time is to stay at home. I have officially put on my yoga pants and have no intention of wearing anything but some form of yoga pants until Tuesday. We might take a walk if the weather is nice, but other than that, we are going to just spend quality time snuggling and eating and playing. (and hopefully sleeping, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.)
Ready to eat up these next few days. And make sure #5 hears over and over - I love you sweet girl. You may not live here anymore, but you will always be one of my babies!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
On the Hard in Fostering
Today is Thursday - this means a visit at the next town over for #6. Normally. Two weeks ago his parents cancelled. Last week we had to cancel so we could leave for my sisters wedding. So this week I planned my entire Thursday around the drive, visit, and drive home. I still texted his caseworker to make sure we had a visit, and lo and behold, the parents cancelled. Three weeks without a visit. If I was in adoption mode with this little dude, my heart would be rejoicing. Instead it broke a little bit.
I loved not having to drive and lose half of our day. Him getting off of his schedule because of the car ride and not trusting his parents to feed him a bottle. (long story, and more than I can share here.) But the crux of the matter is that his parents aren't working their plan which means that there is a very real possibility that at the next court date at the beginning of April the judge will decide to move Little Man to an adoptive home. And my heart is already breaking.
#6 has been a total breath of fresh air. He is content. Eats well. Smiles. Laughs. SLEEPS! He has stolen my heart completely.
There are some other transitions that are about to happen in my life that I should be free to share in another couple of weeks, and the thought of losing him on top of the other change is almost more than I can think about. So I have to remind myself - God gives us the grace to deal with what we have to when we have to. #6 is not leaving right now. At a minimum I have another month with him. And it could be more depending on what the courts decide.
This is when the not knowing is so hard. And the no control is hard. And the fact I don't like change is hard. I'll start asking the case worker and CASA worker a little later in the month what they are going to recommend, but I'm already preparing my heart for what I am afraid they will say. I long for the day when God whispers to my heart - This is the one. The one you are supposed to keep forever. But until then, all I can do is be obedient and love on these kiddos til they go somewhere else.
Today I'm taking a deep breath. Snuggling Little Man a little bit closer. Treasuring each day and each moment. Which really, is what I should be doing all the time with all my kids. But sometimes things happen that make the fact he may not be here much longer that much more real. Here goes a month of treasuring the moments. Storing them up in my heart so they will not be forgotten. And loving this little man with everything in me til the day he leaves. Because above all the hurt and all the pain it will cause me in the end, that is what he needs. And that is what matters most.
I loved not having to drive and lose half of our day. Him getting off of his schedule because of the car ride and not trusting his parents to feed him a bottle. (long story, and more than I can share here.) But the crux of the matter is that his parents aren't working their plan which means that there is a very real possibility that at the next court date at the beginning of April the judge will decide to move Little Man to an adoptive home. And my heart is already breaking.
#6 has been a total breath of fresh air. He is content. Eats well. Smiles. Laughs. SLEEPS! He has stolen my heart completely.
There are some other transitions that are about to happen in my life that I should be free to share in another couple of weeks, and the thought of losing him on top of the other change is almost more than I can think about. So I have to remind myself - God gives us the grace to deal with what we have to when we have to. #6 is not leaving right now. At a minimum I have another month with him. And it could be more depending on what the courts decide.
This is when the not knowing is so hard. And the no control is hard. And the fact I don't like change is hard. I'll start asking the case worker and CASA worker a little later in the month what they are going to recommend, but I'm already preparing my heart for what I am afraid they will say. I long for the day when God whispers to my heart - This is the one. The one you are supposed to keep forever. But until then, all I can do is be obedient and love on these kiddos til they go somewhere else.
Today I'm taking a deep breath. Snuggling Little Man a little bit closer. Treasuring each day and each moment. Which really, is what I should be doing all the time with all my kids. But sometimes things happen that make the fact he may not be here much longer that much more real. Here goes a month of treasuring the moments. Storing them up in my heart so they will not be forgotten. And loving this little man with everything in me til the day he leaves. Because above all the hurt and all the pain it will cause me in the end, that is what he needs. And that is what matters most.
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