So fast!

It's hard to believe that at this time last week I was getting a little boy ready for bed. We were taking a bath, putting on puppy dog pajamas and reading books. And this week I am pondering dinner and what movie to watch while (finally) hanging some things up on the walls in my room. Hard to believe that Little Man went to a different foster home after only 4 days at my house. There are so many things I want to remember.

1) He LOVED books. Especially Gallop. He would sit and look at it for long periods of time which was pretty much a miracle. We read at least 3 books before bed every night.

2) The freezer box left over from the move was the greatest thing to play with ever. He would take his flashlight (his second favorite toy) inside and shine it on the walls. He would pull the flaps in and wave "Bye" as he closed the doors. So CUTE!

3) He loved to snuggle. If he was tired, unsure, scared, you name it, he would come to you arms up and just lay his head on your shoulder. In the middle of the night when he was unsure, I would get him out of bed and rock him back and forth and pray for him with his sweet head snuggled on my shoulder.

4) He was smart. In his 4 days hear, he started pointing at me and calling me Jo, knew Zoeys name, could open and close all of the doors. (YIKES) and many more things. As he was getting comfortable, his personality was coming out as were new words daily.

5) You could tell when he was done eating because he would hold food in his mouth and refuse to chew or swallow. It usually take a finger swipe to get the food out. So frustrating at first, but it definitely got better over time.

I know there are many more things about placement #1 I am forgetting to write here. He profoundly affected my life in the 4 days he was here. I am so thankful I said yes to the placement, even though it was not what I had planned for. My mom got to come and meet him. She was going to be coming and her visit happened to coincide with the 4 days he was here. She was here when he left as well. I found out at 5:15 he was leaving and they came to get him at 6:30.

I have been pondering a verse to have painted to hang in the Baby room at the house. I have had many go through my mind and my heart and the one that sticks is this:

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121:7-8


This is my prayer for all the foster babies that come through my house. That the Lord will keep them from harm. That he will watch over their lives and their comings and goings from my house and where ever they go after here. That he will watch over them. I know that placement #2 will be just as precious and special as #1. Just totally different. I'm excited to see how that plays out and I will continue to pray these verses. Over the kiddo that just left and the many more that are to come. Because I have a God who cares and who watches over both their lives and mine now and forevermore.

I should be sleeping...

I have a story for you. This afternoon I went to Chick-Fil-A Thursday with some fabulous friends. I then headed to drop off some prescriptions at Walgreens and was foiled by the long lines at both the drive thru and inside. On my drive from Walgreens to work, I remembered that I had put my phone on silent that morning and had never turned the sound back on. I thought "Wouldn't it be funny if Methodist had called me with a baby and I hadn't heard it because it was on silent." I took out my phone and checked it, and they actually had called!

My hands shook a little bit as I called back. I wavered between excited and nervous. They answered and said that they had a one year old needing placement. My heart sank. The plan was a baby. Little. Use the bouncy seat and bottles. But after two months of waiting do I say no? I expressed my concern and they told me that they had other families they could call. I told them to check with them and then let me know if no one else would take him. I promptly called my mom. (What else is a 28 year old gal to do?!?)

I asked her to pray. That I would know what to say if they called me back. She said "If they call you back, I think you know what God's answer is." I knew she was right. They called back and I said yes.

At 6:30 tonight a sweet, little boy entered my house. His eyes were red with tears. One of the first things out of the case workers mouth was, "He cried a lot when m-o-m left." We found out that he might be 1 but in reality he is 21 months old. Almost two. And never what I would have asked for. We took a trip to Walmart to get food. I definitely didn't have whole milk at the house for him. Got some toddler friendly meal options. Stopped to meet some dear friends. Once we got home, we watched a Veggie Tales and then it was time for bed. The case worker had said to not expect much sleep and to not expect for him to go to bed easily. But this little man set out to prove her wrong! He laid down in his bed when I put him down and I haven't heard a peep from him since.

Little Man is so sweet. He can high five with the best of them. He loves goldfish. He has words that we will get to learn over the next weeks. I'm thankful to be a place for him to stay for however long is necessary.

I should be sleeping in case he wakes up and is scared, but my brain is running WAY to many miles per hour to sleep. So now that this is done and his story is preserved for all of internet-dom, maybe sleep will come. But I do know this. I am going to sit and reflect on the great things God has done. And pray for the sweet little boy sleeping down the hall. And for his family. That the Lord's will will be done in their lives. Because that is what is most important of all.

This is Not our Home

I have had a song playing on repeat in my iPod, my mind, and my heart for three weeks now. Laura Story’s Blessings was played at church on a Sunday when I desperately needed to hear it. The whole song is incredible, but there have been two sections that have been rolling through my thoughts over and over.

First:

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win


We know that pain reminds this heart


That this is not, this is not our home


It's not our home

Second:

What if my greatest disappointments


Or the aching of this life


Is the revealing of a greater thirst


This world can't satisfy?



And what if trials of this life


The rain, the storms, the hardest nights


Are Your mercies in disguise?

I have seen some of my friends go through some rough stuff over the few weeks. One friend had a miscarriage late in pregnancy. For the second time this year. Another set of friends had to say goodbye to a foster baby that they wanted nothing more than to add to their family. And just this morning, I found out that a friend has now lost his mother in law and father in law in the last week. My. Heart. Aches.

My comfort comes in the reminder that this is not our home. That there is something beyond this world filled with pain and hurt. That one day the pain will be gone. The hurt will be gone. And better than that, Jesus will be there. So I pray for my friends. And live with the hope that this is not the end. That this is not our home.

Patience and Trust

I have been learning a lot about these two things. This fostering adventure has only barely begun and God is already beginning to stretch me in these areas. I knew that this was where I would grow the most and here it is - I'm growing before I even get a placement!

As I sat reading my Bible this morning, I read this verse "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." (Matthew 18:5) I was struck by how this verse articulated what I felt about fostering. Welcoming a child into my home is my way of saying Jesus I welcome you. Not to part of me but all of me. To my life. Convenient or not. Lack of sleep or not. I welcome you.

As I was journaling about this, Glee's version of Justin Beiber's "Baby Baby" came blaring out of my phone and my heart skipped a beat - Methodist was calling! A 3 week old little boy who the case worker was 98% sure would need a safe haven. My heart soared. I confirmed we had day care for the week, notified the roommate and my boss and waited. 5 hours later the text came that the mom found a family member to place with. And so here I sit, another night without a baby.

Even as hard as it is to have my hopes go up and then come crashing down again, it's worth it. It's worth it to know that even though it is hard I am following the way I am supposed to go. Patience to know that when we are supposed to get a placement, it will happen. Trust to know that God's plan is so much greater than mine. His love for each and every one of these babies we have gotten called for is SO much greater than mine.

I can't wait for the day when I can post that Baby #1 is here. In my arms. But that time isn't now. So I wait. Patiently. With expectation. And slowly with His help, joy.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." Psalm 62:5