Contentment

Over the course of the last day or so, this has been rolling around in my brain. My family was in town this weekend, and it took everything in me to not make it a giant vent fest. I mean there was a lot of venting, but the more the weekend progressed, the more convicted I was to STOP. My life right now is hard.

I'm a perfectionist who doesn't feel like she is good at what she does.

I don't get to hang out with my friends during the week because I go to bed at 10pm.

I struggle with knowing what the heck I'm supposed to do with my life.

I don't spend nearly enough time with the Lord.

I am surrounded by people who LOVE what they do, and I want that for myself.

But here's the thing I realized. I am so lucky. I have a job that pays really well. I don't have to worry about going out to eat occasionally, or even buying new clothes from my favorite stores. I have amazing friends who will hang out whenever I can and still call even if they know I'm probably going to say no to whatever is going on that particular evening. I have a crazy supportive and helpful staff where I work. I have so much going for me and still I struggle. With being content. And happy. Right where I am. So I'm going to start trying to be more thankful. For me and my overly-pessimistic self, this is going to be tough, but I'm going to make an effort.

I'm going to strive for joy and peace in the midst of (what feels like) trials.

And at the very least try to not yell at my 4th period class...

"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12b-13

A Journey

Oh there are many things in my life that qualify as a journey. My new world of teaching - definitely a journey. Living in town and making new friends at work - another one. But the one at the forefront of my mind is my journey to find a new church home. I loved my old church. It has amazing people at it and while I was working at my old job (where many of my spiritual needs were met) it suited perfectly. But as I left that job and it's regular Bible Studies, weekly chapels, and Christian fellowship, I realized that I needed something different.

My needs for a church had changed. And my church had not.

So I let the minister I was closest to know and off I went in search of a new place to develop relationships, serve, and find friends. It has been and adventure of a summer and I am down to two different places that I enjoy for totally different reasons.

This morning's service at one of those churches was incredible. I enjoyed the worship through song and teaching. So I am waiting and seeing. I'm going to finish this sermon series and then go through a whole sermon series at the other church. Or maybe God will tell me what He wants me to do before then. I don't know. But I do know this: This journey had been fun. And challenging. I am excited about seeing where I end up. And hopefully there will be some more adventures along the way.

I'm Back

Well, it has been a busy few weeks! I have started teaching, moved all of my stuff twice, unpacked, visited a friends house for labor day, and slept a little. One of my wonderful friends came over and hooked up our wireless router today and so we are up and running. I am sitting in my living room. Watching TV and writing a blog entry. Life is good.

Work is hard. Blogs are public and so I won't go into a lot, but this is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. I get to work around 7am and leave around 6. 7:30 on a late day. Get home, and deal with papers/ get ready for the next day. Go to bed at 10:30 and redo the whole thing the next day. All that to say, I'm exhausted.

This weekend has been good. I slept til 10. The cable guy set up things at 11. I have eaten, read, watched a movie on netflix and been on facebook more often than ever before. And tomorrow reality will set in. I will spend all day working on stuff for school. And that is ok. I had today. And hopefully next week will be better. And hopefully I will do a better job of keeping up with this now that I have internet at home. Only time will tell.

Time marches on

I'm updating this while babysitting, so I don't have any pictures to make this post more interesting. Sorry

Time has marched right along since I got the job on July 3rd. Seriously. It's already been a month! Since then I have: Finished up work at PC, gone to CO, and found an apt. I alternate hourly between being overwhelmed and excited about next year. Finishing up my part time work has made it much more real that I am actually changing jobs! Going up to the school and seeing my room made it even more real.

My first room was hideous and totally empty. This made me desperately want to paint, and completely overwhelmed at where on earth to put things. But I got a call yesterday that I am in a different room and I am SO excited. Excited that now all I need is to go up and measure things and I can start planning what my room is going to look like. Having the bones in place already will make this task much more doable with my current state as a novice teacher. Mom and sister are going to come and help me in a couple of weeks and we will get everything set up.

My Gifted/Talented training will start next week. I hope it will be interesting. The week after that is new teacher training. Then I have in school training with all of the other teachers. Then school starts. And so the insanity begins. At some point during all of this I might be packing and moving as well. Our lease will start on September 11th, and we are hoping to extend our current lease until then. (It ends on Sept 1) We will see.

So there is my life. Figuring out when/how I'm going to set up my classroom and then getting ready to move. Internet at home will be coming in September. As well as stories of the kiddos and the crazy things that happen in the life of a Middle School Math teacher. And so the adventure begins.

Big Day

Three posts in Three Days. This is a record. But I couldn't not say anything...


I GOT THE JOB!!!


I'll be teaching 6th grade math in a few short weeks and I'm SO excited. Freaking out a little bit, but SO excited. Now onto the bigger issues, finding a place to live closer to the school, getting some training done, wrapping up my part time work at PC and of course VACATION. This is going to be a crazy time for me, but when we move into town, we should get Internet and maybe I will update more often. :)

What a difference 24 hours makes

To think nothing much had happened on the job front 24 hours ago is so crazy to me. I got a call at 7:30pm to interview for a 6th Grade Math Position at a middle school in Tyler. There was much jumping up and down and a little squealing. I interviewed at 11am today and it went as well as could be expected. The principal was very encouraging and told me that even if I didn't get the position at his school, I should continue pursuing teaching and would make a good teacher.

On a funnier note, as I was waiting in the office, a couple of kids were there waiting on their mom to finish some work. They were probably in middle school and one of them had on some sneakers that seriously looked like the 80s had thrown up on them. They had neon pink, yellow/green, and blue on them. High tops. I just shook my head (inside of course, I wouldn't want to be rude) and was thankful that since I wore such things the first time around, I don't have to wear them this time around. I am not a fan of neon colors. :)

I'll find out about the job next week sometime. I'm just praying that God will let me know if this is what I am supposed to be doing or not. I know that He has a plan, and I can't wait to see what it will be. But for now, I am praising Him for the encouragement of the interview I had.

Not much new here...

I say that and now I will end up with a lengthy blog about something. No news on the job front. I emailed a principal with an opening today. But it is out of my hands. We will see.

I got my hair cut yesterday. It is identical to when I got it cut for my birthday in March. It wasn't the plan, but then again, I didn't really have a plan. Good thing I liked it in March and I still like it now.

I'm going on vacation in Colorado in 16 days. YAY! I love family vacations, and Colorado is definitely our favorite. We are spending 5 days there this time (vs 3 last time) and I know it is going to be great. However, I am going to figure out how to get myself out of bed so I can work some mornings. I'm trying to get extra hours in so that I won't have to worry about working while I'm gone. And at this point, I really can't do without a week's worth of income. Especially because...

I'm going to start looking for a new place to live in Tyler. Woo Hoo! I love the house we live in now, but it would be nice to be in town, and have internet at home. It would make work (and keeping this blog updated) infinitely easier. One of my roommates and I are about to start looking and see what is available. We want the lease to start the middle of August-ish, hence the looking now.

In other news, one of my dearest friends is having another baby and I am so excited! Who it is, you will have to wait and see, because the whole world doesn't know yet, and I'm not spilling it. Luckily all of my roommates now know and so I don't have to be quite so secretive. :) If only I didn't have to wait until January to meet this new little one! Well, it will give all of us time to get ready.

So there you go. For the four or five people who read my blog, a brief update of sorts. A blog about the not very much going on in my life. Hopefully one day soon we will all be rejoicing that I have found a job. We will see.

Road Block

All week I have been trying to eek out time to fill out my FWISD teacher application. I got all of my attachments ready and was prepared to spend an hour of this afternoon filling it out. Then I got online. Clicked around to find the application. And it wasn't where I was expecting it to be. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even find anything close to resembling the application I had been looking at for the past week.

I found their online application, only to have it tell me that there are no job opportunities. Which is funny, because they have a huge list of them available (even though I hadn't been able to find that information before today either). So now I don't know if this is a road block or yet another call to be patient. And now I really want a nap. Maybe that is what I will do since my original plans for this afternoon are gone. Sigh.

Another Day

I have managed to move to a more hour by hour laying things down that are out of my control. It is helpful to have certain things in my life calm down some. Others are totally hectic and crazy. (ie, I am working every night this week and have other craziness going on too.) It's amazing how one week things will seem dismal and the next doable. We are definitely in doable mode right now.

I am officially applying to teach at the school district where I grew up. I'm going to a teacher fair on Monday and we will see what happens. I think my biggest fear is that I will get a call back and be offered a job that day. I don't know what I would do. I desperately want a job and I don't want to move!!

My desire to stay where I am was enforced even more tonight when I spent some quality time with 4 munchkins who all know exactly who Miss Joanna is and how much they like being around her. The thought of not seeing them regularly breaks my heart. It's hard enough that my niece and nephew only see me every six months or so. And my friends that have become family. I know that we will always be friends, but it won't be the same. If moving is what God has planned for me, He is going to have to give me some SERIOUS strength. I don't like change.

So life is better. Held slightly more loosely. And harder, with my heart so firmly grounded here, the thought of leaving is not fun. We will see what the future holds. Tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities.

That Kind of Day

Oh what a day. Many things happened, none of which I want to openly disclose to the world, but to summarize it all part of my conversation with my mom went like this:

Me: "I feel like my life is in a blender right now."
Mom: "But think of what an amazing smoothie is going to come out at the end."

My sister and I decided we would prefer the smoothie to be frozen yogurt based with minimal banana flavoring. I am thankful for family that can support me and make me laugh during this crazy time, when literally NOTHING seems to be stable. I'm to the point of having to minute by minute turn everything over to God. Oh me and my planning tendencies. So good in some ways and so hard in others.

And so tonight I am going to go get some little people hugs. And then sleep. Until the problems rear their ugly heads again tomorrow. And once again return to the minute by minute reminding myself that God knows exactly where I am going to be tomorrow and the next day and the next.

Time Flies

When you are super busy, it's funny how fast time goes by. Some fun was definitely involved in the last week. After all the metroplex is home to me in many ways. However after 6 days away from my bed, I am ready to be home. Highlights from the week of traveling include:

• Meeting my new nephew Ben and spending time with my sweet niece Jackie. And getting some good quality time with my longest friend, Tiffany. (Any time a friendship lasts over 10 years there should be an award. We are on year 16.)
• Spending time with my sister. How can two people be so different and yet so similar. Time together is always a blast. I also got to meet the special someone in her life. He passed test 1. We'll see how he does in the long haul. :)
• Seeing the harbor in Rockwall for the first time. At dusk. It was BEAUTIFUL. And eating ice cream while walking and talking with my sister. Fun.
• Discovering via the Wii Fit that I am 34 years old and have managed to lose 5 pounds without doing anything. (Unless you count never eating out and therefore practically eliminating soda from my diet something...) It's no wonder some of my clothes are feeling too big.
  

Now it's back to East Texas and the adventure of summer being in full swing. I have some hours to make up after my adventure of this last week, but the Summer Staff should make that a fairly easy task. They are fun to spend time with! And so here we go. Summer here I come!

Bittersweet Day

Yesterday was a bittersweet day. I received a phone call last Friday from a dear friend in Boston saying that her Grandmother had passed away. The funeral was yesterday and I thank the Lord that with my current state of part time employment I could drop everything and come be by Tiffany's side.

You see, I spent many hours in Grandmolly's pool each summer growing up and her husband Poppy had left us for heaven less than a year ago. Of course the pool has been filled in and turned into a garden. I haven't been to their house in years, but there is an intense sadness when someone so associated with your childhood is gone. Not to mention my hurt for my friend.

I've been down this road before. If you know me, you know that I don't have any grandparents left. From the time I was 20 until right before I turned 24 I went from having three grandparents at every major event in my life to none. It was a tough 3 years. My grandmother and grandfather died just under a year apart. Two years before that, my meema was taken by cancer. All these memories and more come back as I watch my friend struggle through the same pain.

But the joy - We know where Grandmolly is! We know that she is up in heaven rejoicing with Poppy and praising our Savior. Someone mentioned to me how joyful Baptist funerals seem to be. Because the funeral focuses on the fact that Grandmolly knew Jesus. In a personal way. And so now she is in heaven worshiping Him and in awe of all that He is. What peace there is in this. And hope.

And a joy that's closer to home! I have finally gotten to meet my sweet nephew! Ben was born two months ago in Massachusetts and I didn't have the money to go visit. I have been longing to hold him in my arms and to whisper in his ear how much I love him. Even from afar he is loved. So much. By an Aunt Joanna that he will only see a few times a year. And goodness. His sister Jackie is so cute and fun. Running everywhere and starting to learn words. I love these kiddos.

So there is my heart. Hurting but joyful. Holding on to the joy of the little ones while mourning what has been lost. And being here for whatever Tiffany needs. We sang a song at the funeral. One of my favorite hymns. Great is thy faithfulness. And it is so true. Morning by Morning new Mercies I see. All I have needed thy hand hath provided. Great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me.

What would you do?

On Tuesday night I was driving home from working in child care at a local church. Getting to and from the aforementioned church takes me down several less traveled country roads. I was at an intersection by the Blue Store Gas Station attempting to turn left from a highway onto a country road. When I pulled up to the light, I noticed a state trooper had someone pulled over in the parking lot of the Blue Store. "Noted," I thought to myself. "There is a police officer right there. I must make sure I obey all traffic laws to the letter."

I was sitting at a red light. No green circles, or even flashing yellow arrows, letting you turn left while the oncoming traffic has a green. I pull up to the light at approximately 9:10pm. At 9:15 I realize that I have somehow managed to not trip the light sensor. The light has gone through several rotations and no green arrow for Joanna. I try pulling forward a little bit (mind you the cop is still sitting at the gas station). Another cycle of lights; no green for Joanna.

So I decided I would wait for the police officer to finish with his current ticket giving and go on his merry way and then I would figure out what I would do. Around 9:20, he finishes. Pulls out of the parking lot drives down the highway behind me. About the time I am losing his tail lights (I didn't want to do anything before that) he flips a U-Turn, parks, and turns his lights off. Well crud, what am I supposed to do now?!?

So I call my dad. I figure whatever I do, at least if I do what my dad says to, he can't give me a guilt trip if I get a ticket, right? Dad's response, "I have no idea what I would do." Not. Helpful. I spend about 5 minutes talking to my dad, trying to come up with the best solution. and nothing is coming to mind.

While I was on the phone with my dad, a car finally pulled in behind me in the turn lane and tripped the sensor. I gleefully turned at my green arrow and looked in my rear view mirror sending well wishes to the person behind me. And they definitely needed them. They got in the turn lane because the police officer was pulling them over.

But the real question is, what if that person had not pulled into the turn lane? What are you supposed to do in such a situation? No one has given me an answer yet. Any of you have any ideas?

Big Day

Today was a big day. The day of the test results! I started off the day with some Sweatin' to the Oldies, which left me feeling good about myself, and ready for just about anything. I managed to be in the office by 10am (a minor miracle for me) and there it was. The email saying my scores were posted. My heart pounded. It got hard to breathe. I logged on. Only to discover I had to download a PDF. Seriously, T1 download FASTER. Then I clicked on the PDF and saw the magnificent word. PASSED. That's right, I passed! I literally got out of my chair and jumped up and down. Called my mom and responded to her hello with "I passed. I passed. I passed." Excited might be an understatement. :)

So now on to the next step. Finishing filling out my teaching applications for the other local districts. And waiting to see where God leads. These next few months are going to be an adventure for sure!

Easter in a Nutshell

One of these days I will write a blog that doesn't involve a bulleted list of what has been going on in my world. Today is not that day. So I give you the Easter Outline:

• Sick - I spent all of Good Friday in my Dad's recliner feeling like junk. Saturday wasn't much better. I currently only sleep well when drugged with Advil PM. Awesome.
• Cemetery - My mom puts out flowers on the graves of family members several times a year. So my mom, dad, sister and I spent part of Saturday afternoon throwing away the Christmas poinsettas and putting out tulips, daisies and other spring blooms. It was a neat time to reflect and remember these people that were important in our lives.
• Shooting - I can finally reclaim my part in the Jordan family. We did some target practice this weekend and I didn't do as badly as I had expected. Well, I was still pretty pitiful, but shooting a revolver accurately when your vision is 20/1600ish without glasses is a challenge.
• Easter - Easter with family is always a blast. We sang some good Methodist Hymns. Read the traditional new member Methodist statement (our prayers, our presence, our gifts, our service anyone?) Heard a message that talked about Jesus. Then went to my aunt and uncle's house and ate tons of food.
• Questions - Oh how many I answered. Are you surviving? Do you have enough money? How did you feel about your test? And many more. The family grilling. It wouldn't be a holiday without it.

I really am blessed. I did practically nothing this weekend do to the sickness. My incredible sister did dishes all weekend since I would contaminate them. My mom sent me home with enough food to give me main dishes for a month. And my family loves me. They care about how I am doing. They encourage me in my current journey, even though it is a tough, and random one.

But all the thanks goes to the Giver of all good things. Including His precious Son.

Vacation - Portland is Fun.

I've been spending this week just outside of Portland with my roommate from college Rebekah. A baby made their family a family of three just 6 short weeks ago and I am here meeting my new niece. Here is what this weekend has consisted of in no particular order:

• Gilmore Girls - We've watched a lot. Feeding the Baby. Rocking the Baby. Watching the show.
  
• Food - Rebekah has cooked - Lasagne, Pizza and many delicious delicacies. Yum.
• Powell's Books - I have heard about Powell's for years and have never gotten to go. We spent an hour wandering around and barely scratched the surface. I bought Make Way for Ducklings and an old copy of Elizabeth Barrett Browning Poems. It was great amounts of fun.
• Pancakes - We went to the original Original Pancake House for breakfast today. I got the chocolate chip pancakes. It was heaven.
• Baby - I have spent lots of time holding my new niece. She is cute and fun and wonderful.
• Talking - Rebekah and I have spent the weekend reminiscing about college and discussing our recent lives.
• Smocking - During the many runs of Gilmore Girls I have been working on a dress for the baby when she is 6 months old.
• Sleep - I seriously have not gotten up before 11am Texas Time. While that's 9am here, I feel like I have been sleeping really late. It has been wonderful.
• Clothes - They have an Eddie Bauer Outlet less than 20 minutes from their house. I found some amazing clothes. However, since I have no room in my suitcase, I'm going to have to mail them home.

So yes. It has been a wonderful trip. I'm going to be sad to leave, but I'm ready to get home. From the looks of it the cold weather is going to be following me home. It's been warm in Texas all week, but tomorrow it is going to be cold. Just my luck. Hopefully it will be an uneventful trip. Pictures (there aren't many) will be coming soon.

Be careful what you wish for...

Life has settled into a fairly uneventful routine. I work 15-20 hours a week at PC and get random babysitting hours when I can. Not the best economic schedule in the world, but it works. However, since my life is so relaxed I start to believe I can do ridiculous things. Like babysit from 7:30am -5:30pm and then drive to another house to babysit from 6-9pm. Then get up (on a saturday) and babysit from 8:30am to 4:30pm. Sunday is full to the brim with church, teaching choir, and working. What was I thinking? Especially since I'm leaving to go out of town on MONDAY.

So earlier this month I was lamenting about money. Therefore, I accepted every babysitting opportunity that appeared. Now I'm lamenting about having time to wash clothes and pack. I guess I just can't win. :) So I'm going to be thankful for these opportunities. Especially since I'm not going to be working much next week. Rainy Portland, here I come.

Good thing God likes to throw open windows. I'll be interested to see which one flies open next.

A Change of Plans

I’ve started cleaning out my life. Less clutter. Less STUFF! In the process of doing this I stumbled upon my teaching certificate. I don’t think that I had looked at it since I received it in the mail. I opened it up, for grins and giggles and saw something that made my stomach drop. The expiration date. March of 2011. When I received my certificate in late 2005, 2011 seemed so far away. But it hit me this weekend: that’s in TWO years. If I decide not to teach in the next couple of years, I am basically deciding that I am not going to. My inaction is making the decision for me.

I don’t do well with inaction. With just sitting around waiting. So in I go. I have looked up teacher fairs. Figured out which school districts have online applications and which have paper ones. Started wrestling through my reference list. There is so much work that goes into applying to be a teacher. So this is my new hobby. Get Joanna a teaching job in 2009.

To make myself more marketable I am planning on taking the 4-8 Mathematics certification exam. I took the practice exam tonight and while I didn’t do horribly, I do have some subjects I need to brush up on – Statistics and Geometry. Algebra should mainly be refreshing my mind on what terms actually mean.

I’ve been dreading this whole teaching thing, but tonight I got excited. I LOVED sitting there and pondering the math problems. Delving deep into my brain and remembering what all of the strange words meant. And I only called my sister once! Maybe this teaching thing won’t be as bad as I fear.

So I’m still waiting. Waiting for God to show me what He wants me to do. But now as I wait I am going to move toward this door. And if it closes, I know it will be from Him. But for now, I’m resting in the fact that only HE could have possibly gotten me excited about teaching again.

With a simple math test.

Me and One of My Loves

Today I went to talk to a woman about watching her sweet little 11 month old boy. The plan after that was to head to eat dinner and hang out with some friends. Went to get in my car and it wouldn't start. At all. No clicking or anything. Awesome. Someone came and got me and the boys went to get my car later.

I was at the aforementioned friends house and their little girl and I were reading books. When it was time for me to leave (I was coming back to spend the night, but she didn't know this) she gave me a huge hug and whispered in my ear, "I love you." My heart melted. To think I've known this little girl since she was born. She is truly in my heart.


When she was just a baby!












Now she's three!

Home

Home is such an interesting word. I have created a wonderful home for myself in Tyler. I love the town and my friends that have become another family to me. But when I think about home, I always come back to the place that is where I lived from the time I was born until I went to College. Fort Worth. I love this town. I love knowing where everything is (well, everything that hasn't moved or been built since 2002). I love seeing my elementary school and knowing that kids are still learning there. It brings joy to my heart every time I come.

Tonight as I drove to Fort Worth to see my parents and take my yearly trip to the Rodeo, there was a sense of joy at seeing the familiar street signs. The names of Trail Lake and Hulen made me smile. It brought a thought to mind. I get so excited to go back to Fort Worth. Am I ever even close to that excited to go to heaven? I know I don't normally go into the deep and spiritual here, but this really struck me tonight.

I get so easily caught up in the here and now. The things that need to get done.
Go to work. Check.
Go to the store. Check.
Clean my room. Check. (occasionaly)
Figure out what you want to do with your life. No check yet.

All of these things keep life going. I like to eat as much as the next girl, and that would be awfully difficult without weekly trips to the store. However, It's not the big picture. It's not what my main focus should be. There is so much more to life than this. There is a place so much better than this. And I want the thought of heaven to bring a smile to my face. Much like the sight of Hulen Street did today.

Later this weekend I'm sure I will return to my regularly scheduled blogging program. Seriously, I'm about to enter the land of the Cowboy - the Stock Show and Rodeo. I'm sure interesting stories will come. But I'm going to enjoy it and remember that this is for now. Something better is coming. I want to long for my true home.