Let me just say upfront, I have learned some things about myself in the last few days. Not all of them are pretty. God is doing some sharpening and while I know it will be good in the long run, man it hurts right now!
My name is Joanna, and I am a whiner. That's right my friends. I complain. A Lot. I really need to get over this. It's not fun for anyone around me. Not to mention my tendency to complain leads directly into my tendency to emotionally vomit on whoever is nearby when I don't like how my life is going. This has really got to stop. It leads me to gossip and not dealing with problems directly and indirectly (this is never my intention but it happens) talking about people behind their back.
I don't do well when my home life is stressful. Our kitchen has been being remodeled for the last two weeks. I am so excited about the presence of a dishwasher in our lives. However, work is really crazy, due to it being the last two weeks of summer. So no peace at home, kitchen a mess, work stressful = a very stressed out Joanna. (Which led to complaining and emotional vomiting as mentioned above.) I realized that at first I think that for sure it won't be a problem. Then the longer it goes on, it gradually wears me down and then I am just tired of everything. Work. Home. Life. Everything
When I reach this point, I want 2 things.
Number 1 - A hug from someone bigger than me. Even though I know that this person isn't going to actually fix anything, it makes me feel for a brief second like I used to when my dad would hug me and make everything ok. After this point I feel like I can continue on. Someone did this for me yesterday without even knowing it. God provides exactly what we need at exactly the right moment.
Number 2 - Holding a sleeping baby. There is nothing that relaxes me faster than just sitting on a couch, holding a baby while he/she sleeps. It is wonderful. I feel like all is well in the world. I can get beyond my problems and remember that there are things more important than my worrying. I have discovered that going to the pool with friends and playing with their children helps to a certain extent. Basically, they got me away from the craziness that is my life. However, tomorrow morning (while my kitchen is being worked on when I would normally be sleeping) I am going to go hold a baby. I am excited. And thankful that I have so many friends with babies. :)
So yes. This person is still learning much. I don't do well tired, stressed out, and no home that is clean. But hey, at least this is temporary. A temporary place that has an end (hopefully the home part tomorrow.) And life on the other side will feel that much sweeter having walked through the stress of today. After all, we learn so much more and grow so much more when life is hard. Too bad it has to hurt so much.