Brokenness

Yesterday I posted the following status to my facebook page:

When you get slapped in the face with the brokenness of this world, your heart hurts. And I'm reminded - this is not my home.

It has been a wonderful 3 1/2 weeks with placement #3. She is a sweet, precious 15 month old and I have LOVED having her around. My life has been shifted into two segments - Thinks I can do while baby is awake and things I have to do while baby is asleep. She got a cold this past week and it was the saddest thing to see. She's slowly getting better, but I feel like we have a ways to go.

Found out on Wednesday that #3 was having a court date yesterday.  And the more I learned about the situation, the more I was struck with how broken this family is. My heart hurt for them. They all love #3 and want her to be a part of their lives, but how that should look is totally convoluted and twisted and hard. Something that should be a rock and guarantee - family - is not present in this case. And it made my heart ache.

I am so thankful for Jesus. For hope in the midst of pain. For knowing that He loves #3 AND HER FAMILY way more than I ever could. #3 is staying with me, for now. The situation was worked out to a great compromise for everyone involved. And now I'm just praying for Mom to finish getting her life together so #3 can go home.

Fostering opens your eyes to brokenness. You can't ignore it. Sometimes you get used to it and even calloused to it, but then days like yesterday come. And the callouses are torn off and removed. And your heart just aches for a world that is so lost. I wrote one of my friends - It makes me want Jesus to come back. So we can be done with all of this brokenness.

But until that day I will keep loving on these babies, and loving on these families as much as I can. With hope that my love will point them to a love SO much bigger than me. A love that will never leave them or forsake them. A love that will give them hope and peace. A Savior who will show them grace.

Because HE is the reason I hope. And trust. And can deal with the brokenness. Even when it makes my heart hurt.