Choosing to SEE

I have spent quite a few hours over the past few days reading Mary Beth Chapman's Choosing to See: A Journey of Struggle and Hope. I finished it this morning with tears filling my eyes as she openly shares about their struggles. And how even 2 years later all she wants is Maria back. Something that she mentions throughout the book (specifically the 2nd half after Maria dies) is that this is hard, and as a family, with God's help, they can do hard.  Her brutal honesty and refusal to sugar coat what they are going through has profoundly affected me.

Life is hard.  My life has NOTHING going on in it that is remotely relatable to the pain her family is feeling at losing Maria. I have felt pain and loss, but cannot even begin to think about the pain her family is experiencing.  My tendency with pain is to shove it under the rug. Push through. Keep moving until the pain goes away. Or is buried so deep I don't think about it anymore. But the reality is the pain comes back. Harder. Stronger. And only by the grace of God holding your hand do you make it through.

My life is changing. I'm working through a process to get a child into my life who needs a place for hope. A place of love. And I have no doubt when that baby leaves, to go back to his/her parents or to an adoptive home, I will hurt. More than I can probably imagine right now.  But does that mean I shouldn't do this thing that I feel the Lord clearly calling me to? No. Life is hard. Pain is ever present. But we have to choose to SEE. SEE the Lord in every moment that I have that sweet child with me. SEE Him in every moment I miss them when they are gone. SEE him in the mundane every day tasks.

So I'm going to start now. Start looking for Him. Start choosing to SEE.