On Saying No

Got a text yesterday:

"Would you consider taking sisters? 18 months old and 7 months old."

The heart thumping started. The response "Umm... thinking hard. Tell me more." Got some more info made a couple of phone calls (involving the phrase, "Am I crazy?") and felt clearly - the answer was no. Later that day I walked into my boss's office and said, "You'll be glad to know, there is a limit to my fostering craziness."

6 months ago, saying no to two little girls would have never crossed my mind. Then came the month of weekly (sometimes daily) doctor visits with placement #3. And through that experience I realized my limitations. Having two on a day-to-day, at my house/ in day care, we are all healthy basis doesn't overwhelm me. But when I think about dealing with two kiddos worth of appointments, I get queasy. And them passing the inevitable day care colds back and forth. Add to that finding day care for two. And babysitters who are approved AND don't already have enough kids that two puts them over the limit and I have to realize my limitations. I am doing this as a single, working girl. And as much as I want to do it all. I can't.

So I have almost 100% decided that I will only take one placement. The exception would come if there were two and one of them was non-mobile. Even then that would be pushing it. When I initially said no to placement #3, there was a feeling of utter disgust. A feeling of "this is the worst decision I have ever made. Ever." With this situation, none of that. More of a sense of relief that I didn't have two kids descending upon my house that evening. Several times last night, the roommate and I would look at each other and say - we didn't get two kids today! And sigh great sighs of relief.

Life shouldn't all be based on feelings, but at the same time it is nice when the feeling gets on board with the decision your brain and faith told you to make. I'm waiting patiently for the phone to ring and take me on my next adventure with #4. I will do respite for some kiddos along the way, and rejoice whenever the time comes for one who is here for longer. Another face in the fostering joy photo album. Another child who will forever live in my heart.

Here's to saying no, so that when I say yes, it is the best situation for me AND placement #4!